Do you have the habit of interrupting a conversation, informal or formal, with this “Beg your pardon?” or “Come again,” interjections?
“Don’t we all?” you might say. And you are right. We all say those phrases for a variety of reasons:
First: to seek clarification of a point or two;
Second: to make sure you haven’t missed anything, or,
Third: as a subtle hint that the conversation has dragged on longer than necessary.
All of the above indicate that, at some point in the conversation, we failed to listen well enough (unless the person we are conversing with is totally incapable of being lucid).
Failure to listen, though embarrassing, is a universal problem. Studies show that listening is our weakest communication skill despite the fact that we are supposed to be “listening” 45% of our entire waking hours.
Why this problem exists, opines HK Financial, is because during our K-12 years, we are taught how to read, write, and speak, but nothing in the entire curriculum emphasizes listening.
Interpersonal experts, however, have a different explanation for this. They believe that we are hard of listening because of two things:
1. Listening is a skill that has to be learned and practiced.
Listening is a communication skill, like reading, writing, and speaking, that has to be learned, and practiced to gain proficiency.
According to a typical study, we spend 70 to 80 percent of our waking hours engaged in some form of communication, consisting of, 9%, writing, 16%, reading, 30% speaking. The balance is supposed to be taken by listening. While we spend so much time and money gaining proficiency on the first three, we hardly do anything to improve on the last item.
2. We fill the world with our own story.
We interpret the world according to our thoughts. When we think and when we listen, we hear our own voice.
Many times, we ignore someone when they speak because we think we already know what he/she is saying or going to say. Sometimes we pretend to listen out of courtesy or be selective and hear only that which we like to hear.
Too often, we let our thoughts wander all over the place because of disinterest or dislike for the person speaking.
Joseph Dabon is a freelance writer and a blogger on self, development. Visit my blog at, http://withinyouisyoursuccess.com/.
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