Are You Lacking Self-Esteem?

Echo Chamber – What are the words that echo in your mind? “You can’t do that!” “You’ll never make it alone!” “Grow up!” “Always do your best.” “Do the right job or don’t do it at all!” “People are looking at you!”

Some of these expressions are meant to spur us on to excellence: others can be a put-down that lasts a lifetime. Words like: “Jerk!” “Slow poke, “Dummy,” “Goof off!” “Old fashioned,” can leave a devastating mark on a person’s psyche, be they 8 or 88.

Angry admonition is hurtful 6 year-old Betty, trying to be a helpful daughter by setting the table for dinner, stumbled and broke two dinner plates. Her father yelled at her for breaking the plates. Betty felt ashamed, guilty for breaking the plates, and was deeply embarrassed in front of the guests.

Her Uncle Phil admonished his brother for being so hard on the child, “She’s trying to help, Mack. It was an accident.” he said. If her uncle had not come to her rescue and pleaded her case, no doubt she would have felt worse for her mistake.

Words spoken to a child can leave an indelible memory of success or failure, while the person who speaks it has forgotten about the expression of emotion the moment after it was spoken. If the child has a strong spirit and a certain amount of self-confidence, he or she may take a remark such as “You can’t do that!” as a challenge and prove the speaker wrong. As a matter of fact, that challenge could be a lifetime goal to prove, “Yes I can!” which, in reality, can be a good thing.

Painful, also in marriage In marriage as in childhood, words of a loved one can have the sting of a bee and can be the juice that stimulates hope, joy and togetherness. As singles, we not only have to overcome the many pitfalls of our singleness, but, there is the underlying distant voice with the connotation of unworthiness saying, “You failed!” or “You are a divorced person!”

As a widowed person, the old “You should have done more for him/her before he/she died,” rears its ugly head. A number of other regretful, useless accusations swim through the brain causing us to wish we could have changed the outcome of our lives. We all live with un-named voices in our head, sometimes positive, but mostly accusing.

We think 50,000 thoughts a day.

Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen in their book THE ALLADIN FACTOR, say “One of the most effective techniques for motivating ourselves is positive self-talk. We think almost fifty thousand thoughts a day. Many of those thoughts are about ourselves and many are negative.”

Whenever a child has tried to diminish another child, one to the favorite sayings mothers sometimes use is: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!”

Sorry Mom, but you are wrong!
Words can and do affect those around you. Your children, your spouse, (if you have one) friends, co-workers even strangers are affected by what you say, good, bad or indifferent. An Art Teacher who admired your work, a boss who called you down for a misstep, a friend who laughed at an idea that was very dear to your heart, a parent’s reprimand for something that you did not think was a failing, are all examples of how words can affect us into our adult life.

Be conscious of your words

• We should be conscious of the effect our words can and do have on others, good or bad.
• We should come to realize that our careless words hurt us, as much as the intended targets.
• Imagine standing in the other person’s shoes whenever we have to criticize.
• Use words that are not condescending to the personality, but the action.
• If our words encourage others, it will give us a boost.
• When offering advice, a ready smile softens the words that spill from our mouth.
• An apologetic attitude is the first step to repairing the damage done, when our words have injured someone.

Words are powerful vehicles that can do much damage or can create healing or spur us on to be our best self.

1. What are the words echoing through your mind, today?
2. What words of self-deprecation visit your mind most often?
3. Do you really deserve that?

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